joe's diary

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Folks,

Last night I watched Tim Russert interview Hillary Clinton at the RNC. I gotta tell you, I am 100% all about Hillary, but many people aren't, which leads me to my thought of the day.

Isn't it ridiculous in 2004 that a woman who does not appear to be very warm or maternal and who speaks out like a man is automatically a bitch to be afraid of? Isn't it also ridiculous that a woman who is warm and maternal is preferable to a great majority of the men in this country because she is seen as non-threatening and subservient?

I've been thinking about this because at one point Russert shows Clinton a poll where she is named the United States democrat most hated by republicans. Russert asks her why she thinks this is. Hillary's eyes glaze over just a little, hiding the obvious rage building up inside her and, ever the politician, says "well, Tim, I'm sure that's just because a lot of republicans in the country haven't really gotten a chance to know me and understand where I'm coming from." Of course, the real answer is the exact opposite, the republicans in this country are very aware of what you are and where you're coming from Hillary, and it scares them to death. They think that if you become too popular and make it OK for a woman to have bigger balls than a man then the misogynistic, fear-driven conservative game will be up for them. They think that you're too smart and unemotional and that they can't boss you around. They really don't know where you came from but good lord do they wish you'd go back there.

I say screw that. I'm going on the record, if Bush wins this fall, then Hillary in 2008. If Kerry wins, 2012.

Rock.

joe welsh  @  7:52 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Monday, August 30, 2004

Folks,

Moving.

Good. God. Damn.

So, as you might imagine, the fact that Ladybetrothed Sarah and I chose to move on a 90 degree day with 90% humidity has not changed my initial stance that moving sucks. I sweated my ass right off my body, through a sluice grate and down on into the sewer. I will never see that ass again.

Luckily, the move was made much easier with the help of Sarah's pals Rebecca and Chris and their daughter Andy. Andy is three and not only will kick your ass at Blue's Clues trivia but was also more than a little perturbed that I didn't know the name of Dora the Explorer's monkey. (It's Boots) Newly married Pedro Y also helped out and was so charmed by Andy that he seemed not to notice that he had lost 18 pounds carrying furniture that he did not own.

Anyway, following all the moving the whole crew settled in for pizza and beer or, in some cases...er...cough, pizza and diet coke. Yeah life!

After the gorging, LS and I drove to the south shore to return her dad's pickup and pick up my bike. Like the smart man I am, I brought the key to the ignition of said bike, but found out right as I was ready to mount up that I did not in fact have the key to the rear wheel lock. Good. God. Damn.

And so the pickup of Mr. Bumbles was delayed a day. I'm happy to report that I did manage to finagle a ride to get him yesterday and that while I was at LS's house her mom made me a grilled ham and cheese sandwich and it was heaven.




joe welsh  @  8:05 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Friday, August 27, 2004

People,

Is it me, or are the Republicans taking completely the wrong track in trying to discredit Kerry's war record? I mean, that's just some dumb shit.

And the attacks are just becoming silly as well. This swift boat stuff would make me laugh if it didn't make me so damn mad. First, a group of veterans who were not there claimed that Kerry was lying about his heroic actions in a battle. Kerry said, "hey look, I was at this battle and this dude was about to shoot a bazooka at us from the shore and so I went up on the shore and I killed him. It sucked, but I did it." The veterans said "No, you didn't." Kerry said "Yeah, I did." The veterans said, "Well, we weren't there but we know you're a pussy and you didn't." Then people who were there said "Um, yeah, we were there and he did what he said he did and pretty much saved our asses." So then the people who weren't there said "Well, OK, maybe he did do that, but we heard that the VC firing the missile launcher was only 16." Then the people who were there said "well, yeah, he looked pretty young, but we were in a battle so we didn't card him." So then the naysayers said "see! we told you! Kerry is a terrible child-killer" Dag.

That's some dumb dumb dumb shit. I'm sorry folks, but I don't care if it's the Gerber baby, in a war if someone's about to kill you you kill them first. This is a non-issue. What is an issue is how slimy these people who are attacking Kerry are. I mean, honestly, how do you sleep if your job is to be a lying Karl Rove-bot, trading all your integrity to protect the worst president in U.S. history?

I just hope this all comes back to bite Bush in the ass. I mean, if I were someone who spent my twenties living in a swinging singles complex with my nose full of coke, not only having dodged actual military service but also doing my damnedest to dodge my assignment to the Texas Air National Guard - well, I might leave the armed forces and war out of the campaign. Just a thought.

joe welsh  @  8:04 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Thursday, August 26, 2004

People,

Here's my creepy experience for the day....

As I came to a stop at an intersection on my way to work, my morning motorcycle reverie was interrupted by beeping. A LOT of beeping. Angry beeping.

So, since I was curious about who was being beeped at, I turned around. Coming down the road directly at me at about 20 miles per hour was a red Geo Prism. The car had its hazards on and had NO ONE BEHIND THE WHEEL.

And so I began to panic, since this three thousand pound zombie death machine with a mind of its own was bearing down on me, beeping sporadically (and angrily) the whole time. I ran through the list of people who might send a demonic zombie death machine after me but I was coming up blank.

Now, just before I was about to take off (red light be damned) up into the driver's seat pops this angry looking old Asian lady. I guess she had been looking for something on the floor and was inadvertently hitting the horn. Um, dag.

And so I sat there, just kind of staring at her, with my heart in my throat. Of course, as I was staring at her, the light turned green, she beeped at me for real and started cursing me out in Chinese.

I'm sure this must be some kind of divine signal, but I can't for the life of me figure it out.

joe welsh  @  8:00 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Wednesday, August 25, 2004

People,

So, Ladybetrothed Sarah and I are moving in together this Saturday. And as happy as that makes me - eliminating the constant shuttling of stuff from one apartment to another during the week, plus being together and all that mushy stuff - it sure doesn't make moving any easier.

Moving is by far the worst activity ever devised by human beings. Nothing about it is fun, stress free or not exhausting. I think I would rather clean all the toilets in Madison Square Garden with my toothbrush than move.

I hate moving so much that in every move I've ever made I inevitably get to the point where I take a survey of my stuff and start bargaining with myself. I think things like "hmmm, how much do I really need that computer?" or "sure it's a 17th century armoire, but it's had a good run and somebody will pick it up on the street." Unfortunately I never follow through on these bargains, although I will admit that many things I once thought were important do end up squarely in the trash. When I moved home from college I left a bed, a vacuum cleaner, a whole pile of toiletries, a guitar, a Nintendo and two framed pictures of my family just because I didn't feel like moving them.

But the reward for moving is undeniably great. Once you've carted all your useless crap from one place to the next you get to unpack and set it all up, a process which is like moving all over again!

Life is, of course, terrible.

joe welsh  @  7:52 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Tuesday, August 24, 2004

People,

Sorry about not posting yesterday, but my ass was laid out due to a nasty cold.

Anyway, the band (with the exception of myself) had a great time in NYC. We played well, sold some records, shook the hands, kissed the babies etc. All in all, a success.

Now, if everyone had a good time except for me, then that probably means I had a bad time, right? Right.

Here's my sad tale. I left work with the fellas at 2 on Friday without having eaten lunch. I'm hypoglycemic, so missing meals and/or not keeping my blood sugar at a consistent level really screws me up. My point? I should have eaten lunch.

Anyway, once we had put in about an hour on the Mass Pike we stopped for some food. Here's where I made my second mistake. I decided that since I wasn't hungry I didn't need to eat a real meal and I'd just get a snack. Bad idea. So while everyone else got nice hearty sandwiches I got a nestle Tollhouse Ice Cream Cookie Calorie and Fat Explosion bar. Bad Idea.

I wolfed down my treat and was thoroughly satisfied. Those things are gooood. However, in the 20 minutes after I ate this thing my blood sugar raced from basically nothing to the next closest thing to infinity. Now, people, when this happens I get flushed, panicky, sweaty and always end up with a bad case of the squirts. Dag.

Let me testify for a moment if I may folks. The Massachusetts Turnpike, as well as Interstate Highways I-84, I-91 and I-95 are no place to get the revenge of Montezuma. Especially in Friday afternoon rush hour traffic.

I'll spare you the details, but let's just say that there are more than a few establishments, including a golf course clubhouse, that will not be inviting me back.

Nasty.

joe welsh  @  7:22 AM  |  link  |   11 comments

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Friday, August 20, 2004

People,

Today marked one of the final days that I will be pushing Ladybetrothed Sarah to and from work in her wheelchair. I think we're both relieved that her foot is finally starting to shape up and that soon she'll have her independence back.

What have I learned from this experience? Well, I don't want to offend anyone, but I've been doing a lot of thinking recently and have come to the conclusion that being handicapped sucks. I mean, even putting aside the fact that you have an impairment that limits your scope of activity, being handicapped is a constant slap in the face from society. People are dicks to other people in wheelchairs.

Let me explain. Throughout our travels, LS and have decided that there are essentially three reactions people have to the chair. 1) Pity 2) Pity masked with extreme "I'm going to treat you like a four year old" kindness and 3) Complete indifference.

Of the three I think I find #2 most galling, maybe because it is the one I've always been guilty of myself. When they see us, the #2's faces immediately snap into this huge beaming grin, as if they've just been waiting for us the whole day and are ecstatic we made it. But it just comes off as "I'm very uncomfortable around you but that isn't politically correct so I'll pretend I love the handicapped. You want a high five?" Very annoying.

#1 isn't far behind. Most of the people in this category focus their attention on me. They look at LS for a second and then try to make eye contact with me, all the while making puppy eyes with a "buck up, little tiger, it'll be OK" look on their faces. It's these looks that finally made me understand why many handicapped people are hung up on the fact that they don't want pity. Pity not only is condescending, but also makes you feel like more of an outsider than you already do.

#3 is the least annoying group, but still aggravating. These are the people who don't care that you're in the chair (good) but also don't care that you're a human being (bad). These are the people who take the subway elevators just because they're lazy, that feel no compunction cutting you off to get on the train, that won't stop for you in a crosswalk etc. Like I said, pity is unpleasant, but a little extra courtesy than that afforded to the common yahoo would be nice.

Add to that that the amenities that make places "handicapped accessible" are often ridiculous. The subway elevators for the T are a joke, a dirty joke at that. They reek of urine and vomit, take forever to come, are very tiny and are located in inconvenient places. Also, the handicapped ramps at many public buildings are so steep as to be simply unrealistic for people without electric wheelchairs. And the sidewalks in Boston, well, don't even get me started.

Anyway, this period in my and LS's life has been very instructive for me. I think I've learned a lot about what it means to be a second class citizen in this country, and it sucks. And so I apologize for the years in my life where I've done my part to ignore people in difficult circumstances.

Dag.

joe welsh  @  8:07 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Thursday, August 19, 2004

People,

Last night was Brendo Frendo's big B-Day and to celebrate we went to the diviest of skanky sports pubs in Somerville and, in the words of the proverbs, threw down.

Brendo has been my tightest friend since we were both about 13. For those of you doing the math, that was a long ass time ago. We've gone our separate ways in our life's pursuits, he into filmmaking, me into music, but through it all we've always pushed each other to be really good at what we do. There are few people whose opinion of something I've done can change my own opinion of it. Brendo is one of them (the others are Tony Danza and Pickles the sheepdog).

Anywho, he's come a long way and is as good a friend, person and roommate as I could have hoped for. He's more family than family.

So, here's to you Brendo, and you can slip the fifty bucks you promised me for writing this tripe under my door later.

joe welsh  @  8:12 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Wednesday, August 18, 2004

So,

After doing the completely non-rock version of trashing a hotel we were off to the great city of Pittsburgh. I think Pittsburgh gets a bum rap in the collective national consciousness but it really is undeserved. It's actually a really nice place to visit in my humble opinion.

Even the travelling wasn't so bad, for me. Part of the fun for me of being on the road is the little indulgences I allow myself. It used to be excessive amounts of liquor and candy, but now I mostly make do with toys, especially cap guns. So, after picking a couple capguns up at a TA I spent the rest of the day figuring out annoying and horrible ways to use them. I mostly pretended I was a Spanish paramilitary dictator, delicately blending Spanish and French to come up with phrases like "Viva la revolution, yo soy el presidente!!!!", all the while firing indiscriminately in the air. The band thought this was moderately funny but did not like it as much when I did a similar bit in the van. Everyone essentially couldn't hear for a couple minutes and said I was a dick. Guilty. They're lucky I didn't do what I wanted to do though, which was to do my Presidente routine in my starkers at 5:30 in the morning to wake them up. Ah well.

Anyway, Pittsburgh was cool. We played moderately well for a nice group of people but after the show I hit my wall and gave up on being energetic and/or nice. Instead of talking to people, I hit the van and played Scrabble by myself for two hours. Sweet solitude.

The next day we headed out early and came home. We were all bleary eyed and beat and pretty much decided that this trip had been too much driving for too little reward (and no, I don't consider sharing a bed with Pete in sleazy motels a reward).

You live and learn folks, that's what the rock and roll is all about.

joe welsh  @  8:10 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

So,

After doing the completely non-rock version of trashing a hotel we were off to the great city of Pittsburgh. I think Pittsburgh gets a bum rap in the collective national consciousness but it really is undeserved. It's actually a really nice place to visit in my humble opinion.

Even the travelling wasn't so bad, for me. Part of the fun for me of being on the road is the little indulgences I allow myself. It used to be excessive amounts of liquor and candy, but now I mostly make do with toys, especially cap guns. So, after picking a couple capguns up at a TA I spent the rest of the day figuring out annoying and horrible ways to use them. I mostly pretended I was a Spanish paramilitary dictator, delicately blending Spanish and French to come up with phrases like "Viva la revolution, yo soy el presidente!!!!", all the while firing indiscriminately in the air. The band thought this was moderately funny but did not like it as much when I did a similar bit in the van. Everyone essentially couldn't hear for a couple minutes and said I was a dick. Guilty. They're lucky I didn't do what I wanted to do though, which was to do my Presidente routine in my starkers at 5:30 in the morning to wake them up. Ah well.

Anyway, Pittsburgh was cool. We played moderately well for a nice group of people but after the show I hit my wall and gave up on being energetic and/or nice. Instead of talking to people, I hit the van and played Scrabble by myself for two hours. Sweet solitude.

The next day we headed out early and came home. We were all bleary eyed and beat and pretty much decided that this trip had been too much driving for too little reward (and no, I don't consider sharing a bed with Pete in sleazy motels a reward).

You live and learn folks, that's what the rock and roll is all about.

joe welsh  @  8:10 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Tuesday, August 17, 2004

People,

After the Indy gig (see yesterday's entry) we hit the town to schmooze some record industry folks. Ugh. If I had my choice of shooting myself point blank in the face or acting really excited while some guy who has no idea who I am is telling me how he'll open up all sorts of opportunities for me, all the while talking on a cellphone, giving me a business card and taking a cd that I spent all my savings and a year of my life creating....well, I'd take the bullet.

Anyway, we went out and gladhanded and I did my best to appear enthused and happy, which probably came off as scowling and miserable. Oh well, that's why Gordon's in the band. He rules at this stuff.

Anyway, we lit out of town and got a couple hours on the road towards Pittsburgh before we decided to hit Lee's Inn for a good night's rest. Now, for all of you weary road travelers, Lee's Inn is a pretty good choice....not exactly on top of their game, but still pretty nice.

We headed up to our room and it was stone cold not made up. Blankets all over the floor, trash still in the room, etc. So we of course went and got another room, which was made up fine, but had no soap, shampoo, conditioner or toilet paper.

So it was back to the front desk again. I picked up some supplies and hit the vending machine for some late night sugar. I chose tropical skittles for some reason, probably because they're delicious. Anyway, I put my money in, made my choice and ......and.......and.....they got stuck. God damn. Luckily Pete was nearby. He came over, assessed the problem and kicked the machine pretty frigging hard. This served two purposes; it didn't dislodge the candy and it broke the light and internal electronics of the machine. Needless to say, we hustled up to our rooms and still do not speak of it.

Sorry, Lee

joe welsh  @  8:11 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Monday, August 16, 2004

People,

Our weekend road trip to the midwest was....well...it was many things; fun, tiring, angrifying, gassy, argumentative, rocking, absolutely not worth it, totally worth it, cigarette filled etc.

We set out in the rock van directly from work on thursday, departing from Boston at about 5. Now, the great thing about last thursday was that here in the Northeast we were receiving the tail end of the first (not so deadly) storm that hit Florida last week. We weren't too worried though. Jordan had booked a hotel in Harrisburg, a scant 6 hours away, and we figured that even with bad weather we would be safely ensconced in bed by midnight. Wrong.

The weather was so shitty that we didn't get to the hotel until 2:30. And since we had to be in Indianapolis by 5 the next day (and since Indianapolis is 9 hours from Harrisburg), we had to get up and hit the road at 8. No one, and I mean no one, was happy.

Anyway, everyone perked up a little on the ride as we all became a little delirious from the road. After hearing "Centerfield" on the radio, Pete started pretending he was a foreigner of indeterminate nationality (with a horrible accent) and inserted himself into the shoes of the song's narrator:

Pete: Put me in coach. Coach? I'm ready to play! Look at me! Look at ME! I can be centerfield! Coach? Hello, coach?

Pete and I proceeded to do this for the next three days essentially nonstop. We made the poor guy angry, hurt, conninving, sad etc. After so much time on the road, this was literally the funniest thing we had ever heard.

Finally we arrived in Indy and went to the venue, a mall. Not kidding. We drove 16 hours to play a half-hour set in a Christian coffeehouse in a mall in Indianapolis. Dag.

Oh well, that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. We ended up playing well to a very polite but not overly enthusiastic audience of kids who had come to see the other groups on the bill, all hardcore christian punk bands.

You win some, you lose some.

To be continued....


joe welsh  @  8:11 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Thursday, August 12, 2004

People,

In my ongoing up and down relationship with trying to convince people I'm actually fit and trim, I am unfortunately back in the up position. Too many late night hamburgers and vacations in Canada have me again tipping the scales in uncomfortable territory. I mean, I'm nowhere near where I once was back in the days of dot-com binge drinking, but I'm damn short of my goal of Dan Cortese-dom.

Anywho, in this battle I've tried every fad diet - High carbs, no carbs, liquid diet, solid diet, the everything except Kosher deer testicles diet, the eating only Kosher deer testicles diet etc. In the end the only thing that has worked is what always works, eating less and exercising. And I honestly don't mind the exercising, but good lord do I hate the eating less. Not only the eating less, but the eating none. Like, no cookies, candy, cake - all the stuff I really love. I mean, you can dress up a tofu cutie any way you like, but it ain't no Klondike bar. Let's get on this, huh science?

Damn you genetics.

joe welsh  @  8:02 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Wednesday, August 11, 2004

People,

Have you ever felt like god was punishing you just for being happy? If you grew up in a Christian and/or Irish and/or Red Sox following household then the answer is probably yes. We just can't can't leave well enough alone, there always needs to be some guilt and a healthy fear of impending doom.

Usually, all this worry is for naught, simply causing anxiety about things that will never happen. But in the instance of my and Ladybetrothed Sarah's recent engagement, I think god is pissed that I'm taking her off the market and has decided to make things tough.

As you know, barely two weeks into our happiness over our impending nuptuals LS hurt her foot. Badly. By doing absolutely NOTHING. Seriously, we went out one day and she was fine, the next day she couldn't walk. There was not trauma, injury, anything.

Anyway, since then it hasn't gotten any better and it's been over three weeks. LS has ripped up her armpits with crutches, injured her other knee and foot by overcompensating for the bum foot and driven herself crazy by watching hours of Seventh Heaven reruns.

She was out of work for two and a half weeks before we finally had enough and rented a wheelchair from "Crappy Johnson's terrible wheelchair rentals and bait shack." I mean, this thing sucks. The wheels rattle like an old grocery cart, the push-rails are plastic and cut your fingers and the handles are so low it would take an osteoporitic nonegarian to feel comfortable behind this thing. The whole thing stone cold sucks.

I mean, on the positive side, we've gotten LS off the couch and back into the world, plus we get to spend time in the morning and afternoons that we never had before. On the negative side, people on the T are shockingly rude to people in wheelchairs, LS feels guilty for feeling like an invalid and worst of all, the stink of piss in all the T elevators is enough to literally make you want to vomit.

Poo.

joe welsh  @  8:05 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Tuesday, August 10, 2004

People,

So, it's tax season again. Oh wait, it's only tax season for those lazy asses who filed for an extension, using the extended time to do absolutely nothing but sit on their asses playing video games until the next deadline stared them straight in the face. Of course, I am one of those people.

I filed for an extension because I had too much to learn about the intracacies of tax law (as it pertains to small businesses like the band) to file in April. And of course I convinced myself that the return I would file in August would be one sweet return. The people at the IRS would be like "Gerald, Christine, get over here, this return kicks ass!"

Alas, it will not be so. My taxes are due definitively on the 15th and I know no more now than I did back in the day. Dag.

If anyone wants to volunteer to work for me while I'm being audited I would really appreciate it.

joe welsh  @  8:02 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Monday, August 09, 2004

People,

Friday night was everything we hoped it would be and more. Big thanks to all of you who came out and really made it a special night. It was the rare show where it really felt like there was a synergy between the band and the crowd, with both feeding off the other. I have to say that I really didn't want to stop playing at the end of the night, even though my fingers were bleeding and I was completely out of gas. In a word, dag.

Add to that that we started the day playing live on WFNX and you have one rock and roll day, the kind of day that leads to delusions of grandeur. You start thinking that your life really is about doing interviews and playing gigantic rock clubs. It's pretty darn exciting.

Of course, then Monday morning comes and you slog your way into your stupid dayjob being an office beeee-atch and the rockstar delusions evaporate pretty fast. Ah well.

I should go do some copying.

joe welsh  @  8:09 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Thursday, August 05, 2004

Folks,

Tomorrow morning there will be no journal. The reason is that we will be on the radio, playing and promoting this big ass show of ours.

I know it makes some people uncomfortable, but I love being on the radio. It tweaks the part of my brain that used to be obsessed with stand-up comedy, improv and the ability to always sneak in a fast one liner. Not that I'm in any way successful at these things, but I like the adrenaline of being on the spot. On every question you have the opportunity to step up and hit it out of the park, making you and your band memorable. You also always are teetering on the verge of saying something really dumb and/or offensive, making you and your band seem stupid wasting a valuable opportunity. It's pretty exciting.

Anyway, to see how we do, tune in to WFNX (101.7 FM) tomorrow morning at 8:15-ish. Unfortunately it looks like FNX has disabled its internet broadcast, so for those of you outside Boston just imagine that I was really charming and sexy.

joe welsh  @  8:16 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Wednesday, August 04, 2004

People,

Today on the way to work I witnessed something rather peculiar. At a red light, as I sat idly idling on Mr. Bumbles next to a woman in a Chevy Caprice, she rolled down her window.

Now, at first I thought she was going to ask me directions. People frequently do this when I'm on the bike, completely disregarding the fact that I have no god damn idea where anything is or what on earth the streets are called.

Anyway, even though we were separated by just a couple feet, she did not ask directions. She instead poured her coffee out the window. I thought this was a little rude, since I was right there and got some splatters on my boots, but I'm trying to be less irritated by stupid crap like this and so I let it go.

Then she poured the remnants of a Pepsi bottle out the window. Then she poured water from a water bottle into her coffee cup, swished it around and poured that out the window. At this point I said "Er, excuse me, but you're getting all of this on my foot." She was not having it and shot me a "I'm having a bad day already so shut the hell up" look. Fair enough. She then poured water into the empty Pepsi bottle, swished, and the poured that out the window. At this point, with my boot covered in a sludgy mixture of coffee, Pepsi, water and backwash, I was too incredulous to even be mad. It was just plain weird.

The light changed and she tore off straight while I turned left. She's probably dumping her second cup of coffee into the cubicle next to hers right now.

People are weird.

joe welsh  @  7:57 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Tuesday, August 03, 2004

People,

Highlights of Canada:

-Ladybetrothed Sarah and I read a lot of books. People, I don't care what teachers tell you, reading is fun and smoking makes you look cool. We both brought ambitious reads but spent most of our time on trash. I read Sudden Prey and LS took Fatal Voyage to bitch school.

-I hurt myself. A lot. My feet took the brunt of the trauma. I bruised my heel bone on a rock while playing badminton barefoot. People, that hurt. I also gashed the opposite foot on a rusty bed frame, which I'm sure gave me both gangrene and lockjaw and gangjaw, perhaps the most dangerous. I also fell a lot while.....

-Waterskiing! Waterskiing rules, except of course for the falling. And I fell a lot. Most of the falls were unspectacular, but three of them merit discussion. 1) I fell completely backwards and hit the water very hard with my ass. The water, in turn, sent my bathing suit up said ass almost to the roof of my mouth. Seriously, my pancreas was like "Dude, you really wear this color?" 2) While trying to be a fancy pants I flipped head over heels and smashed my shoulder into the water. I'll tell you something, if we didn't need water to live and waterski on, I'd move to have it banished, 'cause that shit hurt. And still hurts a week later. Dag. 3) On one run, one of my skis broke. I mean, actually broke. Shattered. Luckily, after it broke I had a horrendous wipeout and took a sharp ski fragment to the arm, leaving me looking like a botched suicide attempter. Not pretty. Brendo Frendo's response "I knew you were fat, but fat enough to break a ski? Man, you're fat"

-Horseshoes is the best game ever. Except when you lose. Then it sucks.

Vacations are better than work.


joe welsh  @  8:05 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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Monday, August 02, 2004

People,

I am just back from that great land to the north, and I think I fell in love.

Oh Canada, you are very pretty, your citizens are incredibly nice and helpful, everyone talks funny and you make me feel rich with your generous exchange rate. Your flag makes me think of trees and everyone likes hockey. Too much French for my taste, but no one is perfect.

Highlights from the trip tomorrow. Today I have to bust my ass at work so as not to be fired. Man, if jobs was a real living person, I'd kick his ass and then have him make me a sandwich.

joe welsh  @  7:48 AM  |  link  |   0 comments

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