People,

Highlights of Canada:

-Ladybetrothed Sarah and I read a lot of books. People, I don't care what teachers tell you, reading is fun and smoking makes you look cool. We both brought ambitious reads but spent most of our time on trash. I read Sudden Prey and LS took Fatal Voyage to bitch school.

-I hurt myself. A lot. My feet took the brunt of the trauma. I bruised my heel bone on a rock while playing badminton barefoot. People, that hurt. I also gashed the opposite foot on a rusty bed frame, which I'm sure gave me both gangrene and lockjaw and gangjaw, perhaps the most dangerous. I also fell a lot while.....

-Waterskiing! Waterskiing rules, except of course for the falling. And I fell a lot. Most of the falls were unspectacular, but three of them merit discussion. 1) I fell completely backwards and hit the water very hard with my ass. The water, in turn, sent my bathing suit up said ass almost to the roof of my mouth. Seriously, my pancreas was like "Dude, you really wear this color?" 2) While trying to be a fancy pants I flipped head over heels and smashed my shoulder into the water. I'll tell you something, if we didn't need water to live and waterski on, I'd move to have it banished, 'cause that shit hurt. And still hurts a week later. Dag. 3) On one run, one of my skis broke. I mean, actually broke. Shattered. Luckily, after it broke I had a horrendous wipeout and took a sharp ski fragment to the arm, leaving me looking like a botched suicide attempter. Not pretty. Brendo Frendo's response "I knew you were fat, but fat enough to break a ski? Man, you're fat"

-Horseshoes is the best game ever. Except when you lose. Then it sucks.

Vacations are better than work.