People,

Last night I set a personal record for pure laziness.

Those of you who know me know that I love being in bed. i love being in a nice warm bed more than just about anything in the world besides tying one on. Unfortunately the tying one on days are behind me, so that leaves bed.

Anyway, last night I climbed into bed, curled up behind the Ladywife and started to drift away. About five minutes in I realized that I had to pee. Usually in this situation I would get up, pee, and then enjoy my eight hard won hours of rest. Not last night.

I decided to fight the pee and somehow managed to fall asleep. At about 2:30 I woke up and really needed to pee, but it was really cold in my apartment and sooooo warm in bed that I decided to again forego the urinating. Unbelievably, after twenty minutes of feeling vaguely ill, I fell asleep again.

Of course, this led me to have about 700 dreams about peeing, but beggars can't be choosers. At 5:30 I woke up and was literally in a state of piss-induced agony. My insides felt like they were in a full revolt and that I could explode at any second. However, despite all bodily urges I still just stayed in bed. This time I couldn't fall asleep again, but I just lay in the warmth and rode it out. And after all that suffering I still think I made the right decision.

God have mercy on my soul.