People,

Reason # 4,312,678 why I shouldn't have children -

The other night Ladybetrothed Sarah and I were hanging out in the Somerville Crib of Domestic Bliss. I was working on my novel (ok, playing Halo) and Sarah was testing out that new Freeze Away stuff on a stubborn plantars wart on her foot. Pretty normal night, right?

Of course, it couldn't just be left at that. I came into the room when she was done and immediately started interrogating her like I was two. What is this for? How does this work? Did it hurt? Why? Are you hungry? Etc.

Anyway, during my interrogation I also indulged in another of my habits - touching and fooling around with things I shouldn't touch or fool around with. Before long, I had spilled a bunch of the freezing compound on my hand.

What this did for me was put my entire hand to sleep for about 20 hours, 20 hours which I spent complaining and waving my now vestigial hand around like some sort of dead fish.

I think the saying should be amended to "If you can't trust me with Dr. Scholl's Freeze Away, how can you trust me with a child." And people, I just don't know the answer to that one.