People,

There is possibly no more "I am such a stupid assbag" moment than when you arrive at the T, already late for work, and find yourself without your wallet. And, as in many "I am such a stupid assbag" moments, you immediately realize what the correct course of action is (in this case, turning my ass around and going home), but still insist on a protracted period of antagonizing bargaining with yourself.

Self 1: Shit, so....arg. We must have money on us somewhere.
Self 2: What, are you retarded? Where would we have money? That's why we have a wallet.
Self 1: OK, jagoff. Well....I guess we should jump the turnstyle then.
Self 2: We're not jumping the turnstyle. Are you four or something? We're going to walk home.
Self 1: Home is soooooo far away. Let's sweet talk the Spare Change guy into giving us a dollar.
Self 2: Oh, brilliant. You really are a jerk, you know that? We're going home and I blame you.
Self 1: Well, I blame you.
Self 2: Fine.
Self 1: Fine.

The end of the story is I finally made it to work and I am CRANKY.