People,

I saw something very very funny last night. I was at McDonald's to comfort myself with nasty food after taking a poker ass-whipping not seen in these parts since Amarillo Slim beat Jimmy "Pickles" Preston in '32.

Anyway, ahead of me in line was a mother with her adorable three or four year old son. He was done up in the usual winter wear, heavy parka, gloves, sherlock holmes hat and lots and lots of boogers.

So, as the mother was arguing with the counterwoman about how much a happy meal actually costs, the kid looked up at me. I smiled, he smiled, and then turned away. Then he leaned towards the counter, which was level with his face, and started licking the hell out of it. I mean, he had full tongue extension and was wiping his open mouth all over the place. It was so gross and so funny I thought I was going to alternately be sick and pee my pants.

After a good lick, the kid looks back at me with an expression I can only describe as "yeah, I'm cool. did you see that? I just licked the counter, be-atch. Oh...and please don't tell on me." I gave him a look back that said "yo, we're cool."

He smiled and headed off with his McNuggets.