People people people,

Yesterday I got what I can only describe as a barrage of email, the majority of it being along the lines of "Dear Joe, you are a retard. Instead of licking envelopes, use a moist sponge, retard." Ouch.

Anyway, I feel the need to let people know that we in Fooled By April are in fact not retards. However, we are slobs and cheapskates.

Let's start with the slob issue. You see, we tried to use damp sponges instead of our poor mouths but the only sponges available in the rock house were filthy with the grease of a thousand nasty steak pans. We decided the chance of someone smelling our stale saliva on an envelope was better than getting a handfull of cow.

As for the cheapskate issue, our envelopes were weird. We tried other moistening methods (towels, wet t-shirts etc) and it actually just didn't work very well. The envelopes didn't want to seal under the pressure of plain water, it was as if the glue could only be activated by the probing tongues of a mediocre rock band. Ah well.

Anyway, so now I've defended us. And while I'm happy to report my papercuts have healed, I think I deveolped carpal tunnel syndrome while stuffing the envelopes. Life is, of course, terrible.