People,

So yesterday I painted a pretty bleak portrait of our benefit performance experience. But that was only one small part of the story, folks. Today we will dwell on what made it actually, as Jordan might say "a pretty kick-ass night."

It was perhaps the oddest bill we will ever have the chance to play on. We were not only the only rock band, we were the only band period. The other performers?

- A Samoan prince (for real) who performed a "slap dance" where, dressed only in a loincloth, he danced and hit himself rhythmically (and very hard). It was, to quote a friend "kick ass".

- A real live Broadway singer who sang a couple Sondheim pieces. I wasn't wild about her, but I kind of hate that kind of music so I'm sure it was my fault and not hers. Her piano player was snarky as all get out though and that was his fault.

- This dude who played avant-garde solo saxophone and did a beat poetry piece about Native Americans and global warming. I don't know what to say about this guy except that his act was as weird as it sounds.

- Hula dancers. I think Gordon nailed it on the head when he said "I'm not attracted to the dancers per se, but when they move I feel all funny."

- And us. One of these things is not like the others....

Anywho, it was our job to play out the night. The hosts said goodbye and people were encouraged to leave at their discretion while we ended the show. Time it took to clear the theater? Approximately 11 seconds. Life is funny.

After we finished and packed up, we joined the rest of the benefit crowd for a little benefit buffet, which is where the night really picked up. In attendance was uber-cool Rob, THE VOICE OF 60 MINUTES!

Since everyone was a little tipsy, we felt entitled to make Rob pretend to be doing 60 Minutes promos for us. Luckily, he really is uber-cool and rewarded us with things like "Tonight on 60 Minutes Mike Wallace investigates the troubling lack of regulations on America's chemical industry....." It was awesome, but not as awesome as when we learned he's also the voice of the NFL United Way ads. Line of the night? "Vinnie Testeverde is a magician on the field, but he also makes time for children..."

Rock.