So,

I have owned "The Beast" for a week. Here she is....



Simply put, this is the best thing I have ever owned and that includes my Star Wars Luke Skywalker underoos. The sweet purr of the motor, the smell of the gas, zipping down the highway at insane speeds...I love it all.

Anyway, I seem to have a curse upon me that dictates that any nice new thing I own must be broken or maimed in the immediate aftermath of me buying it. Every guitar, amp, bike, tv, etc., always takes some trauma in the first initial splash of excitement of having bought it. I think it's God's attempt to keep me in my melancholy place. But this bike was going to be the exception. I would keep it pristine and buffed to a mirror polish no matter what. No one would hurt The Beast.

Of course I was wrong. And so yesterday in the parking lot of Dunkin' Donuts The Beast met her fate as I was backed into by some oblivious lady in a honda accord. The impact destroyed the front fender, quite possibly bent the front wheel assembly and very nearly pinned me under six hundred pounds of metal as I vainly held the bike up and screamed "STOP BACKING UP!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!!?!?!?!?!?!"

I then threw a fit, stomped around the lot and finally cooled down enough to exchange information. In the end, the bike will be fine, but I've only had it a week. I don't need this crap.

So now basically I'm terrified of what's going to happen if I ever have a kid. He'll probably come down with measle-lupus-mumps-a-flu on day three. Damn.