People,

I like to present myself as a man of principle. In many ways this is the foundation I use to pretend that I know a lot about things I actually know very little about. Unfortunately, however, when it's in my best interest I am actually just one big old hypocrite.

Today as I was walking to the T I realized that I didn't have any money and also hadn't eaten anything. Now, contrary to popular belief, for me to maintain my impressive manly physique I need to eat in the morning. What was my solution?

I shamelessly approached the trail mix dispensing bible thumpers at the Porter T and got my free granola bar in the name of Jesus. Those of you who actually read this garbage know that I have been merciless with these people in the past regarding their attempts to save my soul through the virtue of apple-berry crunch. But when the chips were down they were, in fact, my saviors.

So, um, thanks. Jesus rules.