People,

As I sat around my house last night in my thrift-store track pants and v-neck t-shirt, drinking day old water out of a plastic Brown University reunion cup, surrounded by Playboy magazines and empty beer bottles - I had a realization.

My realization was this - I need one of two things to happen; 1) I get Queer-Eye for the Straight Guy-ed, or 2) I need to develop my own show called Straight-Eye for the Queer Guy and have my non-fashion sense come into vogue.

Now, personally I would prefer option the first. I want to be suited up in some sweet duds, learn how to cook some sweet meals, get a sweet pad, etc. The only problem with this plan is that I'm inherently very lazy and I feel like before long the sweet duds would be all over the floor and I'd be back on tuna fish and Budweiser for sustinence.

But what about option 2? Imagine a TV show hosted by me where I teach admittedly more stylish gay men how to be slobs. Instead of them preparing for a party or trying to impress a girlfriend, I'd prepare these guys for having a dinner get-together for their stuffy homophobe boss.

Me: Take that towel out of the hamper, go outside to get some dirt for this floor, leave those dishes alone, and don't change your underwear tomorrow.
QG: Why would anyone do those things?
Me: Trust me. Who's the straight guy here?

Something like that....